A Fly's Music

When something in my life is highly traumatizing, I tend to jump out of the real world.

My mind blocks out the details and reality of the situation, and music fills my head.

Music engulfs me and from that point on, whatever music I inserted into that moment, will forever be a trigger to me.

I won't entirely understand why, but when I hear that music, I will be so emotionally overwhelmed.

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If I turn off the music, or turn it down to a low mumble, and really try to remember and focus on the events of the trauma,

I step outside of my body, and I look down on the situation, as if I'm a fly on the ceiling,

and the trauma isn't happening to me, but rather to a person who looks, feels, talks, reacts like me.

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But it isn't me.
I'm a fly on the ceiling.
Safe from harm's way.
And there I sit and watch.

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Voiceless.
I'm just a fly.
And although I could persistently fly around and annoy all parties involved in the trauma, I am utterly voiceless.

I have a buzz, an annoying hum, but no voice.
So I watch.

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And realizing I can do nothing, I fill my mind with the music again...